A son’s atonement: Son of former US Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara returns to Vietnam with message of reconciliation

His first stop was Quang Tri in north-central Vietnam and then Quang Ngai in the central region. 

He came with a half-blue, half-red flag and a yellow star in the center—the flag of the National Liberation Front of South Vietnam. This flag was once a war trophy taken by his father.

Robert McNamara, the former U.S. Secretary of Defense who died in 2009, was infamous for his role in shaping the brutal war policies in Vietnam during 1961–68.

This visit, Robert Craig McNamara serves as the main figure in a historical documentary produced by Vietnam Television’s VTV4. 

He also wants to return the flag of the National Liberation Front of South Vietnam and introduce his book, 'Because Our Fathers Lied.'

Speaking to Tuoi Tre (Youth) newspaper, Craig McNamara shared that this was not his first visit to Vietnam.

“In 2017, I came with my daughter. This time, with VTV4’s support, I had the opportunity to meet war survivors and visit locations that once endured intense bombing,” he said.

He continued, “Today I arrived in My Lai in Quang Ngai, where U.S. troops committed a bloody massacre. The keyword I see in this journey is reconciliation—the effort between Vietnam and the United States to reflect on a painful past together.

“Though it’s never easy, I’m glad that after many challenges, we’ve come together to gradually find common ground.”

McNamara visited the My Lai massacre site with his friend Ronald Haeberle, the photojournalist who captured shocking images of the event on March 16, 1968.

“What I felt most when meeting the local people was their suffering,” McNamara said.

At My Lai, Haeberle described for McNamara the harrowing moments he photographed. Meeting eyewitnesses who had lived through the massacre left McNamara deeply emotional.

“I saw anger, sorrow, and grief in the faces of the survivors,” he said.

“I shared their pain and offered my personal apologies.

“I sincerely hope for reconciliation so that people can meet and live in peace.”

He continued, “I was heartbroken, shocked, and angry when I saw the list of 504 victims, especially when I noticed that most were children. Looking at the images my friend took of farmers, women, and the elderly—cut down by American soldiers—I was truly devastated.

“Most people from my generation are aware of the My Lai massacre and the war in Vietnam. 

"But I don’t think they fully understand the extent of the brutality the way I’m seeing and experiencing now.”

That is why the film he is doing with VTV4 is so important for him. He believes that historical stories must be told honestly and completely so that young generations in Vietnam, the U.S., and around the world can understand.

During this trip, McNamara also released the Vietnamese edition of his book, 'Because Our Fathers Lied: A Memoir of Truth and Family, from Vietnam to Today.'

The title is taken from a line in a long poem by one of McNamara’s favorite writers. The ‘lie’ refers to his belief that his father lied to him, to American men and women, to their families, and to the Vietnamese people during the war.

McNamara believes these lies prolonged the war and all its suffering.

“From what I understand, my father knew the U.S. couldn’t win," he said.

"The tragedy is that he knew this but still told the American people otherwise. 

"That lie lasted until the end of his term as secretary of defense. 

"Its consequences dragged the war on even longer.”

The book’s title reflects McNamara’s purpose: to seek the truth behind the lies his father told during the war.

He wants to share his story with Vietnamese readers about his father—a good, thoughtful father but with tragic ideas that contributed to the prolonged conflict.

“I want to continue the conversation about the mistakes that we – Americans – made during the war,” he said.

The U.S. could not win because Americans did not understand Vietnam’s long history of resisting foreign invaders, nor the 1,000 years of fighting northern invaders, nor the victory at Dien Bien Phu in 1954, according to McNamara.

Americans did not grasp the depth of Vietnam’s desire for independence and reunification—so strong that millions were willing to sacrifice for it.

Americans did not understand that their own power—the massive military machine, the advanced weaponry, the napalm, the Agent Orange—could never defeat the will for unity of the Vietnamese people.

In the end, he believes the presidents, the defense secretaries during that era, all failed to hear the will and desires of the American people.

'I apologize, I repent'

He shared that in both his visits to Vietnam, he has felt the warmth and friendliness of the Vietnamese people. He was deeply moved by their generosity even after learning who he is.

Vietnamese people do not hold onto hatred, even when introduced to him as the son of Robert McNamara—the man who helped create a legacy of pain during the war in Vietnam.

What impressed McNamara the most on both trips was the determination of the people to rise above difficulties and build happy lives. This is the best time to sit down together and talk about cooperation and peace.

As an American who loves peace and seeks reconciliation, McNamara said the most meaningful thing he had done in the past five to seven years is work with Renew in Quang Tri, an organization focused on clearing leftover explosives and helping victims of Agent Orange in Vietnam.

Special documentary released for April 30

Director Le Hoang Linh, head of the production team, said that to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Vietnam’s reunification, Vietnam Television produced a special documentary titled 'Clash of Wills.' 

The film centers on Robert Craig McNamara—a well-known agriculturalist and the son of former U.S. Secretary of Defense McNamara.

According to Linh, during their research of documents and materials for the documentary, the film crew discovered McNamara’s English-language book 'Because Our Fathers Lied.'

They worked hard to connect with McNamara in the U.S. and earned his trust. He agreed to travel with the crew to Vietnam and visit former battlegrounds where his father had left a legacy of war.

“When Craig McNamara met war witnesses and victims, he always offered apologies and expressed remorse, saying: ‘I cannot speak on behalf of the American people, but I offer my own personal apology to the Vietnamese people for the devastating war’,” Linh said.

“I believe Craig has done something his father never did.

"His father wrote extensively, acknowledged his mistakes, and described many wrongdoings—but never once did he say ‘I’m sorry’."

A special moment of McNamara’s journey was when he brought with him the flag of the National Liberation Front of South Vietnam.

McNamara had hung this flag in his home for decades. It was a war booty brought back by his father as a symbol of pride.

McNamara chose to return the flag to the Vietnamese people.