Is drinking really an indispensable part of work in Vietnam?

Fresh out of university and full of enthusiasm, I stepped into the job market believing that a professional environment would value competence and honest communication.

But reality hit hard: too many work relationships begin and grow over drinking tables.

Out of place in a sea of alcohol

As a student, I once attended a manager's birthday party – a seemingly warm and casual occasion. But just a few bites into the meal, my boss was already urging me to drink: "Come on, do it for me – just one glass!"

I have always had a low alcohol tolerance, and as an intern at the time, I was hesitant to say no. I still needed my boss's signature to complete some paperwork.

Even though I kept insisting I could not drink, I ended up taking a few reluctant sips. That night, I also had to drive a female colleague home. The whole ride, I was nervous – what if something went wrong?

The next morning, I woke up with a pounding headache and a heavy heart.

Now, after a few years on the job, I'm no longer pressured into drinking. No matter how much people push, I firmly say no. Still, the anxiety about this workplace 'drinking culture' lingers.

Just last weekend, at a dinner with a partner company, I was the only one at the table sipping soda. The others clinked glasses, laughed, and chatted boisterously, while I forced a smile, unsure how to join the conversation.

Thankfully, my boss 'shielded' me, so I was not forced to drink. But that only made me feel more out of place – like I was standing outside the circle of connection.

After a few hours, the initial work talk at the table gave way to inappropriate jokes. The men started discussing all sorts of things, including topics unfit to be said in front of women.

I sat there, face flushed, head down. Even if the remarks were 'just for fun,' they still made me uncomfortable – especially knowing these men had families of their own.

I felt both embarrassed and powerless. Was I being too uptight? Or is this simply a normal way of networking that I need to get used to?

If I do not join in, I feel excluded from important exchanges. Valuable information and connections are formed over drinks, things I cannot seem to access.

It is a difficult contradiction: I want to fit in, but I feel uneasy. I want to stay away, but I fear being left out.

I still respect my bosses and colleagues for their professional expertise and conversational skills – how naturally they can engage with partners from north to south. But I am truly weary of this kind of 'drinking culture.'

Must every business connection go through alcohol?

Why can't we have conversations in a clear-headed state?

I used to think sharing meals was a good way to build rapport. But the more I joined these gatherings, the more I realized: conversations at drinking tables are often shallow, forgettable, lacking in depth – and don't really build lasting bonds.

Sometimes, fulfilling a drunken 'verbal promise' takes twice the time and effort.

Not to mention, these long drinking sessions drain your health, rob you of rest, and dull your focus.

For women like me, the experience is even worse: if you do not drink, you are seen as unfriendly; if you do, you feel like you are forcing yourself to endure it just to be accepted.

I believe work relationships should be based on respect and capability, not on how well you can hold your liquor.

Instead of noisy drinking tables, why not choose lighthearted conversations over coffee or a cheerful lunch?

Connections made while sober, without pressure, without alcohol, are the ones that truly matter.

I am not asking to abolish the entire drinking culture, but I do hope for more options, or at least a more thoughtful way to approach it.

And I believe I am not alone in wishing for that.

* Thu Ngoc, a reader, filed this story in Vietnamese. Tuoi Tre News provdes the English translation.