Without anomalies, Vietnam wouldn’t be the same: expat

Editor’s Note: In response to our topic for discussion: “Is it hard to kick Vietnamese’s bad habits?” American expat Martha Kennedy says she can only smile at the “odd behaviors of the Vietnamese and enjoy just how incongruous they are to the rules” she learned while growing up in the U.S. The opinions expressed herein are those of the author who is currently an English teacher in the central city of Da Nang. 

When asked if I’ve ever found the habits of Vietnamese people strange or offensive, I couldn’t help but laugh. My short answer is yes, I have – of course I have. Vietnam is not my home, so of course I have observed habits that I’ve found strange, out of the ordinary, and even a bit offensive. But after living in Vietnam for nearly 1.5 years, these habits are no longer so offensive to me: they are simply a part of the very visceral experience of living in Vietnam, as intrinsic to its culture as anything that might be viewed more positively by foreign eyes. Without such differences, Vietnam wouldn’t be the same. For aren’t the anomalies of a country as important, and as integral to its identity, as its celebrated aspects?  

From my own perspective, I’ll list a few things that have made me look twice, and would certainly cause my mother to wince.

To be honest, men seem to be the main offenders. Hardly a day goes by without at least one sighting of public urination, with no noticeable attempt at hiding the dirty deed. Sure, this occasionally happens in the U.S., especially in rural areas, but usually men are seen standing in a patch of trees or a bush, not standing on the sidewalk in broad daylight. Men also seem to spit quite a lot, and with such bravado that I can’t help but assume they want to draw the attention of passers-by. I have dodged many times a spit ball flying my way while walking down crowded city streets.

Other habits aren’t specific to one gender. People rarely stifle their sneezes, and it almost seems they try to be as loud as possible. When I hear my neighbor across the street from me sneeze, I often mistake it for a scream. Also, there seems to be no stigma against picking one’s nose here – something that is quite taboo back home, unless you’re a child, and even then it’s heavily discouraged. Here, adults and children alike do so with gusto.

Despite my original shock at such habits, my attitude toward them has changed. I can’t help but feel there is a satisfaction that comes with doing what you want when you want, without caring who might see and what they might think. I know many Americans would likely jump at the chance to urinate or pick their nose in public if they knew no judgment would follow.

Let’s not forget the civilities that Vietnamese people adhere to, their unique ways of showing respect. When my students hand me a pen or piece of paper with both hands to show their subservience, I’m always struck with how formal it seems. Pointing is considered even ruder here than it is in Western culture and people go out of their way not do to it. And as a teacher, I’m shown more respect and admiration than I ever would be back home, where teaching is often looked down upon as a job for people who can’t do anything else.  

Expats shouldn’t judge those whom they live amongst. Ultimately, we are guests in a foreign land, and our hosts are some of the most welcoming and warm people in the world. Here, I’ve had complete strangers invite me to their homes to meet their grandparents. I can't say the same for actual acquaintances back home. When I have gone home with Vietnamese friends, I’m treated as a special guest, asked questions about my life and America, and my plate and glass are never empty.

In the end, I can only smile at the (to my foreign eyes) odd behaviors of the Vietnamese and enjoy just how incongruous they are to the rules I learned while growing up in the US. And when I return home, I will miss Vietnam for all of its beauty and all of its anomalies, without which it wouldn’t be the same. 

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